[What Akua says is something that she should see as sad. She is not a monster, she had said so recently to someone on the chaotic communion Set had initiated in the aftermath of the Oracle, so of course she sees those things as tragedies. As things that for Akua must hurt for and regret.
… But they were also things that a cold and bitter part of her feels should have been expected. The family members of those who involved themselves in war and violence were always at risk by consequence. That is why lords took such lengths to build grand castles, to secure their wives and hide their heirs. To commit suicide to pay for the crimes of kin was commonplace in her world, whether it was fathers, mothers, daughters, or brothers. To be betrayed by someone you loved…]
What penance can be inflicted upon me in this place?
[Akua had earlier tried to warn her of the consequences of shattering Sebastian's shard by appealing to the idea that Zenith might then feel free to shatter members of Meridian, but it had not truly swayed her. Not when she felt so alienated from so many in the faction. She has tried so hard to be steel, to be cold, to be better, and more powerful-]
My dam died overfoaled years ago.
[Bred and bred and bred for the valuable children she could provide until one of them eventually killed her. Not that she'd mourned her. She hadn't known her- She had been ripped from the Armless woman at birth and only knew her by her pedigree.]
My sire was just my stable master’s favorite, most obedient Armless that year. We are nothing to each other.
[He had sired every yearling born that season, and then been rotated out for another to take his place so that their offspring might be compared.]
No one-
[Loves me.
Her expression twists and her fingers dig in tighter, hesitating just a moment too long after what she had heard beneath the earth in the roots of the tree. No, that couldn’t be true, so-]
No one loves me. Not in the way you describe.
[(Hadn't she meant to say "I do not love anyone"? She doesn't even notice.) Her brother was not here in this place with her- she doubted she would ever see him again. Those children from that village were not here. Matsukaze would never… So why-]
no subject
… But they were also things that a cold and bitter part of her feels should have been expected. The family members of those who involved themselves in war and violence were always at risk by consequence. That is why lords took such lengths to build grand castles, to secure their wives and hide their heirs. To commit suicide to pay for the crimes of kin was commonplace in her world, whether it was fathers, mothers, daughters, or brothers. To be betrayed by someone you loved…]
What penance can be inflicted upon me in this place?
[Akua had earlier tried to warn her of the consequences of shattering Sebastian's shard by appealing to the idea that Zenith might then feel free to shatter members of Meridian, but it had not truly swayed her. Not when she felt so alienated from so many in the faction. She has tried so hard to be steel, to be cold, to be better, and more powerful-]
My dam died overfoaled years ago.
[Bred and bred and bred for the valuable children she could provide until one of them eventually killed her. Not that she'd mourned her. She hadn't known her- She had been ripped from the Armless woman at birth and only knew her by her pedigree.]
My sire was just my stable master’s favorite, most obedient Armless that year. We are nothing to each other.
[He had sired every yearling born that season, and then been rotated out for another to take his place so that their offspring might be compared.]
No one-
[Loves me.
Her expression twists and her fingers dig in tighter, hesitating just a moment too long after what she had heard beneath the earth in the roots of the tree. No, that couldn’t be true, so-]
No one loves me. Not in the way you describe.
[(Hadn't she meant to say "I do not love anyone"? She doesn't even notice.) Her brother was not here in this place with her- she doubted she would ever see him again. Those children from that village were not here. Matsukaze would never… So why-]
Who will be punished for my “mistakes”, Akua?
[And why does she almost sound jealous?]