[He stumbles over his words, his attempts at communion fluctuating uncertainly. He can at least relate to those feelings of failure. He had achieved his objective, in a sense... Ryunosuke and Thoma were now free, and would have otherwise been carted away to Achamoth. Yet, it felt as if his own emotions had been his undoing, opening the door to the Innocent so that he might be consumed.]
It... overwhelmed me... my body... I had thought myself free, but yet...
[There is that feeling they had all experienced when being consumed by its illness, only magnified, to the degree that he could no longer tell the difference between himself and the being that possessed him.]
My... My friends that were touched by it as well. That freed me from its clutches. They will not answer. I cannot reach them.
[Maybe another person would think they succeeded. After all... the woman and her child who would otherwise have been targetted by the Regent, who would have been disappeared or killed if she hadn't made the choice between the traitor Kenoma and the Veneran... She was alive.
But Hayame is not another person.
And she doesn't think she is Estinien's friend. Or anyone's... "friend". Who are his friends? That red-haired woman she saw in the vision with the Innocence, perhaps? She didn't... know.]
Who... ?
[Would she know, even if he named them? Maybe not, so more importantly-]
[He has to think hard about timelines, as everything is blurring together at the moment.]
Hours... I thought...
[It feels as if there are cracks running through his thought processes, breaking him from the inside.]
Himeka... She was in Godsblood. Abel as well...
[There are faces to match it. It's the red-haired lizard woman that she's met before. And then the tall, silver-haired priest that she is undoubtably much less fond of. Regardless, though, he is not necessarily asking for her help. He's not sure what she could do. But...]
I only wanted to be sure that you had not fallen as well.
[She… doesn’t realize per se that she’s referred to them by the names she used in her head because… this… is in her head, somehow. Never mind how, she’s trying not to think of it and also not to get seasick.]
I yet stand.
[No matter how unfortunate that may be, when she wants so badly to just-]
Where are you? This- I am on a ship. To Godsblood. But I will have to leave that place near soon as I arrive.
[There's a flicker of what is almost a sad, anxious chuckle at her calling Abel a whoremonger. He won't argue. The mirth doesn't last long.]
I returned to the lodestone... Once I was permitted my freedom by the creature, my strength had all but left me. Its power... 'twas overwhelming. It dispensed of the Kenoma nigh effortlessly, with me as its blade...
[If only he could feel good about that. If only he wasn't afraid.]
[Does he? It's hard to know. He hadn't though he felt it anymore before, but it hadn't stopped it from revisiting him in a moment of weakness. What he does feel for certain is what it's left behind.]
I can... feel the gaps in my recollection... parts of myself washed away in the creature's light. Memories of my home. People I loved. I can... only remember their absence.
The Regent told us it would consume me. That its infection could not be stopped. Mayhap they were correct... if only about that one thing.
[He doesn't have to say anything for his emotions to communicate the answer. There is a clear sense of approaching doom, even as he tries to stand and fight. In the lodestone's cavern, he cradles his shard between his hands, staring at the water above with a sense of suffocating melancholy.]
When I was... destroyed, and naught but my shard remained... the beast's presence lingered. I could feel it tear against my spirit, each wave of its power threatening to scour what remained of me, leaving me hollow.
When I was reborn, I had the chance to regain myself. But now... 'tis worse than ever before. I reach for what I have lost and find it beyond my grasp.
[Every time he'd raised his fears, Himeka and Abel had assured him there was hope, that he wouldn't have to face it alone. Yet now, with his outlook worse than ever, they will not answer his calls.
Maybe that's why he finds himself telling Hayame, despite everything.]
I... felt its anger towards those that had only tried to save me. If it has caused them harm because of my weakness... I...
[Ryunosuke had survived its screams, but what of those that were not present to fight at all? Could it have been harsher to them, for their absence?]
[Melancholy is familiar. That... That she understands. The rest, perhaps, no... But like his "friends", can she encourage him to think of the best outcome? She opens her mouth, far away... and nothing comes out.
Who is she to say there's hope?]
Is there no one amongst the Pleroma who can cleanse it from you? That Tehri woman has been in this place for years, has she not?
[He understands the feeling - he, too, grates against the idea of providing unreasonable hopes. Unless he really believes it's possible, it's just a lie, isn't it? He's not even really expecting anything from her, when it comes down to it.
But the fact that she seems to be trying... well...]
Tehri... she had not seen the like before. She said that an Aion's essence tended to return to itself with time. It seemed true enough before. Mayhap it still is...
[But if the creature just keeps attacking him, and it gets worse every time, what is he supposed to do? That isn't a question for Hayame though.]
...If you would... let me know when you have returned to Greentruth.
[... Of course. Of course he has already sought that woman's counsel, it's the sensible thing to have done.
She almost tries to suggest something else, like... looking for an exorcist, kidnapping a Kenoma to interrogate to see what the Regent knew about such things... But they stick in her throat.
[He's surprised at the question, considering its source. In the end, however, it provides a fragile comfort that he hadn't expected. He hadn't started this conversation looking for solace, but it seems he finds it anyway.]
I will. At least... for a time.
[Though he knows if the worst really has happened, he won't be able to stay idle for long.]
...Until my hunt begins anew. The Kenoma... will be made to answer.
[The people who have been taken are not her friends. Hayame does not think she has ever had such a thing, and she has never… she had never wanted such a thing, because all it brought was weakness, especially in a time like this. They are not even her allies… for all she found herself in the Pleroma, it was no enthusiastic dedication to cause. The whoremonger had insulted her, and then he’d had the gall to offer her his hand. The healer woman had forced her to be healthy again when all she’d wanted to do was die.]
… I am not… well.
[But she has… debts. It is the debts, surely, that make her say these things, even though she hates to admit to weakness, to accidentally allow the throbbing ache of a cracked shoulder, the burn of a dislocated lower one forced to continue bearing weight, and the cuts and pierces of a blade through muscle and hide to peek through. But despite those untreated wounds, and no healer woman about even if she did muster the shamelessness to ask for help, despite all that-]
When I am worthy of standing beside in battle once more… you have my bow.
[His interest piques when she says she's not well. He's sort of figured she might have seen some battle damage, fighting as boldly as he knew she did, but that she'd admit it instead of brushing it off... he's relieved, at least. He wouldn't want her to keep trying to fight while injured.
'You have my bow.'
It's almost uncanny how similar it is to the things he's said to his friends. It's the one sure way he knows to offer his affection to others - to offer his prowess to them, to fight at their side. It's the one thing he's always been suited for.
He doesn't know if she feels the same, or how deep the sentiment really is. It makes him wonder, though.]
...Then I wish you your rest. And to fight by your side again soon.
[Even knowing- Or, no, perhaps that's the problem. She didn't know anything in this place, and almost every time she's started to feel confident that she understood the nature of things, that perhaps she'd put a tiny scrap of hope in the right person... She's been proven wrong, or she had failed.
So maybe she doesn't know that he means well, to wish her rest. Her instinct is to chafe, to take back what she's just said, to insist she was hale and ready to fight, and that he insulted her with those kind seeming words.
If she were resting, while he was out doing that they had discussed in that alley... Making enough of a name for themselves through deeds violent and valorous to draw out the Regent or at least his lieutenants... She would hate that. To finally collapse, alone in the misty forest camp she called "home", curling in tight and waiting for her body to heal... She would hate that, too.]
...
[Somewhere on the sea, between Venera and Godsblood... Hayame bites the inside of her cheek. It's hard to say two simple words of gratitude rather than dwell in bitterness and the shame of failure. "Thank you". She tries, maybe the attempt comes through the Firebrand, but-]
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[He stumbles over his words, his attempts at communion fluctuating uncertainly. He can at least relate to those feelings of failure. He had achieved his objective, in a sense... Ryunosuke and Thoma were now free, and would have otherwise been carted away to Achamoth. Yet, it felt as if his own emotions had been his undoing, opening the door to the Innocent so that he might be consumed.]
It... overwhelmed me... my body... I had thought myself free, but yet...
[There is that feeling they had all experienced when being consumed by its illness, only magnified, to the degree that he could no longer tell the difference between himself and the being that possessed him.]
My... My friends that were touched by it as well. That freed me from its clutches. They will not answer. I cannot reach them.
no subject
But Hayame is not another person.
And she doesn't think she is Estinien's friend. Or anyone's... "friend". Who are his friends? That red-haired woman she saw in the vision with the Innocence, perhaps? She didn't... know.]
Who... ?
[Would she know, even if he named them? Maybe not, so more importantly-]
How long?
no subject
Hours... I thought...
[It feels as if there are cracks running through his thought processes, breaking him from the inside.]
Himeka... She was in Godsblood. Abel as well...
[There are faces to match it. It's the red-haired lizard woman that she's met before. And then the tall, silver-haired priest that she is undoubtably much less fond of. Regardless, though, he is not necessarily asking for her help. He's not sure what she could do. But...]
I only wanted to be sure that you had not fallen as well.
no subject
[She… doesn’t realize per se that she’s referred to them by the names she used in her head because… this… is in her head, somehow. Never mind how, she’s trying not to think of it and also not to get seasick.]
I yet stand.
[No matter how unfortunate that may be, when she wants so badly to just-]
Where are you? This- I am on a ship. To Godsblood. But I will have to leave that place near soon as I arrive.
no subject
[There's a flicker of what is almost a sad, anxious chuckle at her calling Abel a whoremonger. He won't argue. The mirth doesn't last long.]
I returned to the lodestone... Once I was permitted my freedom by the creature, my strength had all but left me. Its power... 'twas overwhelming. It dispensed of the Kenoma nigh effortlessly, with me as its blade...
[If only he could feel good about that. If only he wasn't afraid.]
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Estinien isn’t the only one who doesn’t know how to comfort.
But she wants-
Finally,]
… Do you feel it still?
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[Does he? It's hard to know. He hadn't though he felt it anymore before, but it hadn't stopped it from revisiting him in a moment of weakness. What he does feel for certain is what it's left behind.]
I can... feel the gaps in my recollection... parts of myself washed away in the creature's light. Memories of my home. People I loved. I can... only remember their absence.
The Regent told us it would consume me. That its infection could not be stopped. Mayhap they were correct... if only about that one thing.
no subject
[There’s a strange feeling in her chests that Hayame can not come up with a name for. A feeling of- lacking. Perhaps that described it well enough.
Like she didn’t know enough. Like she was always playing catch up. Like she should have known this. Like she knows she didn’t because she never-]
And now more is gone than before… ?
no subject
When I was... destroyed, and naught but my shard remained... the beast's presence lingered. I could feel it tear against my spirit, each wave of its power threatening to scour what remained of me, leaving me hollow.
When I was reborn, I had the chance to regain myself. But now... 'tis worse than ever before. I reach for what I have lost and find it beyond my grasp.
[Every time he'd raised his fears, Himeka and Abel had assured him there was hope, that he wouldn't have to face it alone. Yet now, with his outlook worse than ever, they will not answer his calls.
Maybe that's why he finds himself telling Hayame, despite everything.]
I... felt its anger towards those that had only tried to save me. If it has caused them harm because of my weakness... I...
[Ryunosuke had survived its screams, but what of those that were not present to fight at all? Could it have been harsher to them, for their absence?]
no subject
Who is she to say there's hope?]
Is there no one amongst the Pleroma who can cleanse it from you? That Tehri woman has been in this place for years, has she not?
[It's all she has.]
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But the fact that she seems to be trying... well...]
Tehri... she had not seen the like before. She said that an Aion's essence tended to return to itself with time. It seemed true enough before. Mayhap it still is...
[But if the creature just keeps attacking him, and it gets worse every time, what is he supposed to do? That isn't a question for Hayame though.]
...If you would... let me know when you have returned to Greentruth.
[He would feel a bit more at ease, at any rate.]
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She almost tries to suggest something else, like... looking for an exorcist, kidnapping a Kenoma to interrogate to see what the Regent knew about such things... But they stick in her throat.
She will tell him when she returns, but...]
Will you also be there?
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I will. At least... for a time.
[Though he knows if the worst really has happened, he won't be able to stay idle for long.]
...Until my hunt begins anew. The Kenoma... will be made to answer.
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… I am not… well.
[But she has… debts. It is the debts, surely, that make her say these things, even though she hates to admit to weakness, to accidentally allow the throbbing ache of a cracked shoulder, the burn of a dislocated lower one forced to continue bearing weight, and the cuts and pierces of a blade through muscle and hide to peek through. But despite those untreated wounds, and no healer woman about even if she did muster the shamelessness to ask for help, despite all that-]
When I am worthy of standing beside in battle once more… you have my bow.
[- what else was there left but the hunt?]
no subject
'You have my bow.'
It's almost uncanny how similar it is to the things he's said to his friends. It's the one sure way he knows to offer his affection to others - to offer his prowess to them, to fight at their side. It's the one thing he's always been suited for.
He doesn't know if she feels the same, or how deep the sentiment really is. It makes him wonder, though.]
...Then I wish you your rest. And to fight by your side again soon.
no subject
So maybe she doesn't know that he means well, to wish her rest. Her instinct is to chafe, to take back what she's just said, to insist she was hale and ready to fight, and that he insulted her with those kind seeming words.
If she were resting, while he was out doing that they had discussed in that alley... Making enough of a name for themselves through deeds violent and valorous to draw out the Regent or at least his lieutenants... She would hate that. To finally collapse, alone in the misty forest camp she called "home", curling in tight and waiting for her body to heal... She would hate that, too.]
...
[Somewhere on the sea, between Venera and Godsblood... Hayame bites the inside of her cheek. It's hard to say two simple words of gratitude rather than dwell in bitterness and the shame of failure. "Thank you". She tries, maybe the attempt comes through the Firebrand, but-]
Ahhh.
[She fails.]